Thursday, September 9, 2010

What being a parent to a newborn means...

       Clearly Jon and I are mere newbies to this whole parenting gig. The only thing that we know is that we know zilch. We're taking every day as it comes. Some are easy (well, relatively), and some nights we got to bed with spit up on our shirts and in our hair, but we're just happy to be in bed. So, in the spirit of Mr. Letterman, this is our list of what being a parent to a newborn means. It means...

...showering becomes a luxury. "Oh crap, I haven't showered in three days." Usually a nap or a chance to sit down beats hopping in the shower. 
...sleep becomes your number one goal in life. Getting the baby to fall asleep. Achieving 5+ hours of sleep. Getting him to sleep in his crib. Why does college not include a course on "Getting your baby to sleep like an angel?" 
...bodily fluids become a part of your day. Spit up. Peep and Poop. Buggers. All of the sudden a mom holding her kids chewed gum doesn't seem so gross anymore. can do just about anything one handed if you want it bad enough. Typing. Eating. Making coffee (this is an essential skill to master). Making the bed. Unloading the laundry. Making lunch. Check. Check. Check.
...leggings, t-shirts and flip flops are stylish right? will never complete your daily to do list. The baby will make sure of that. "How is it 4pm already?" say things like "tummy time". Its too embarrassing to even discuss the other terms that enter your vocabulary. 
...your living room will never look the same. Its like Babies R Us threw up all over of your house. Swings. Bouncy Chairs. Playmats. Blankets. Burp Cloths. Welcome to a cluttered life.
...cuddling with your spouse becomes about as high a priority as cleaning out the garage. 
...styled hair is a thing of the past.  Forget about blow drying, straightening, and curling. This is why the ponytail was invented. will have the chance to watch more terrible daytime TV then you could ever wish for. You need to do something while you sit and nurse your kiddo. And yes, all of it's terrible but it's so hard to look away.
...a vacuumed carpet and clean dishes equals success. Forget about scrubbing the bathtub, cleaning windows and washing the toilets.  There's no time for that nonsense.

       But it's all worth it right? 

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